The Grateful Disciple

THE GRATEFUL DISCIPLE

by David Wells

In the Forward to David Well's The Grateful Disciple, John Mannix alerts the reader that he/she should not read the anecdotes from Wells' life which the author shares in this book as exegesis, even though each anecdote is connected to a specific passage from scripture; rather, the reader should view the many anecdotes as examples of how the Holy Spirit offers "encouragement" to believers  "...through the most mundane of our experiences, if we have the wisdom and humility to listen." (11)

In the first anecdote, entitled In a class of my own, Wells reflects on how as a teacher in England he was unable to really connect with his students - despite his best efforts to provide rigorous and appealing lessons - until the moment he messed up by forgetting their exercise books in the staff room and then compounding his embarrassment by rushing into the wrong classroom and chastising the students in that room for apparent misbehaviour.  Writes Wells, when, in a moment of vulnerability, he revealed his mistakes to his students, "For the first time there was a connection between us, and it wasn't in my lesson plan." (19)  From this experience, Wells learned an invaluable lesson about teaching:

                   When we influence each other by who we are, we are teaching at a more
                    profound level.  We remember our teachers for who they are more than
                    what they taught us. (19)

From a spiritual point of view, this humorous incident helped him understand the deeper meaning of John 14:15-21, which describes the work of the Holy Spirit: "In this scripture we learn that the Spirit is sent to help us.  What we are unlikely to know is exactly what that will look like." (19)

Author and Teacher David Wells

Derek the Atheist is another vignette from the author's life which serves as an example of spiritual enlightenment from an unlikely source.  While serving as a panelist at a college debate - presumably on the topic of religious belief, Wells was moved to contemplation on the relationship between religion and science.  Another panelist asked Wells "Who are you?" When Wells responded with his name, the panelist snidely responded "No, I mean... Are you the Christian, the Muslim, or the Jew?  I'm Derek... the atheist." (41)  For Derek, religion and science were contradictory whereas to Wells they are compatible and even interdependent as was suggested to him by the astronomical clock in Exeter Cathedral.  Writes Wells, "For centuries religious people were leaders in the fields of astronomy, cosmology, calculus, and physics.  It would have been a complete absurdity to the people who built this clock to ask why anyone would disassociate scientific study and logic from religion and mysticism." (43)             

My favourite anecdote is the story of Wells' irascible student Stacey.  Wells describes her as a delinquent who was angry - ",,,with the world, angry with her life, angry with authority." (47)  She quietly controlled his class intimidating both him and the other students.  Writes Wells, "...she was the only student who ever beat me.  Her presence overshadowed mine." (47)   However, 10 years after she left his class, when he was was sitting in a back pew at St. Barnabas Cathedral in Nottingham, Stacey tapped him on the shoulder and shocked him by telling him that she came regularly to the church because of his influence.  Said Stacey, "I come here because of you." (50)

In reflecting upon his unrealized influence on her, Wells states:

               To this day I have no idea what I did for her.  The gift was to know I did it
               . ...whatever we have or achieve is God's gift to us.  ...My student Stacey
               would grow by God's grace not mine, in her time not mine, in her way not
               mine. So much so, that while I may have been instrumental in some small
               way, I have no way of knowing exactly how.  ...God uses us without our
               knowing how or when. (50-51)

Wells' revelation from his relationship with Stacey is one and the same as that which we take from Jesus' parable of the farmer (Mark 4:26) who scattered seed on his land.  As he slept and rose night and day, the seed sprout and grew and "he did not know how." (46) 

Mark 4: The Parable of the Mustard Seed

  

In "Nice shoes", Wells relates what he describes as "...one of the most vivid examples of Christian love I have witnessed." (78)  It occurred when he was just 17 years old.  While in the presbytery, he observed a brief exchange between the curate and a homeless man he identifies as 'Joey'.  Joey asked the curate for money to purchase new shoes.  Although it was obvious that Joey really wanted the money to buy alcohol, the curate noted the deplorable condition of Joey's current shoes, and rather than giving him money that would simply feed Joey's addiction, the curate gave him his own shoes.  Despite his not getting what he wanted, Joey was nonetheless delighted to receive the curate's shoes.

Wells was struck by this powerful act of kindness and wisdom.  Writes the author, "I was witnessing in him an image of Christ at work.  ...For all the many sermons that man gave, I remember none of them, except only one: the day he gave away his shoes - and it has stayed with me ever since." (81)               
In Chapter 24: The grateful disciple', the author contrasts the reactions of two of his childhood neighbours to balls and frisbees going over the fence into their gardens.  'Dorothy' reacted with joy and even generosity.  She would not only happily return the objects but as well pass over '...chocolate bars and treats of all kinds." (160)  'Ken', however, reacted with anger.  In reflecting on what made these two neighbours react differently, Wells concludes that it was simply gratitude.  While both had experienced a similar mixture of joy and pain in their lives, "Dorothy' chose to respond with a grateful heart.  Writes the author "Gratitude, it seems, is sometimes a powerful feeling - but most of the time it is a decision." (161)  As is written in Colossians 3, we should "...be thankful ...and with gratitude in [our]hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God." (159) 

The last chapter is titled Stand by me.  In it, Wells writes about a student named 'Liam' whom he describes as difficult to like: "He wasn't rude or malicious, just lacking awareness, and he quickly irritated people." (176)  One late afternoon, when the author was evaluating student writing, a note from Liam's mother to her son fell out of Liam's book.  It read "Liam, don't forget what I told you.  Things will be okay.  I love you. Mum." (27)

Stunned by the devotion of Liam's mother for her unpopular son, Wells had a moment of epiphany: "The note was a stark reminder that I needed to look at this boy with the eyes of love.  ...Love stands by the unpopular person when they [sic] are ignored and overlooked.  When we stand by vulnerable and discarded people we are doing what Mary did [at the foot of the Cross (John 19:25-30)] and Jesus before her." (179)    

                           

Deep Diversity

DEEP DIVERSITY

by Shakil Choudhury

In Deep Diversity: Overcoming Us vs. Them, Shakil Choudhury, of Anima Leadership, presents his Deep Diversity framework, which consists of 4 insights and corresponding focal points.  The first insight is a recognition that our feelings or emotions greatly influence how we act.  Writes Choudhury, "Contrary to popular belief, we do not think our way through life. We feel our way." (12)  Developing emotional literacy and self-awareness is the focal point for this first insight.  Insight 2 is that all humans have implicit biases that influence us: "...we all have biases we are not aware of that play out on a daily basis." (4)  The focal point should be to make an effort to uncover our implicit biases through self-reflection and then exercising self-regulation in our behaviour.  The 3rd realization of the framework is "We have greater empathy ...for those most like ourselves." (5)  Developing greater understanding and empathy for those outside our tribe is the tonic for this potentially toxic tendency.  The final insight involves inequities in power between dominant and non-dominant groups with the solution lying in self-education.  

Adds the author, the deep diversity framework is essentially about "disrupting and debugging the Us/Them default setting..." that, if left unchecked, makes us inherently vulnerable to the destructive influences of emotions, biases, tribes, and power. (14)  He is optimistic, given the evidence of "neuroplasticity", that if we focus our attention on certain cognitive-behavioural skills, we can overcome these deep-seated negative influences.  

The focus of Chapter 2 is the influence of emotions.  Specifically, Choudhury explores 3 "unconscious and automatic" emotional tendencies that exacerbate the divisive Us/Them dynamic. (25)  The first is the tilt towards/away phenomenon.  We have a natural inclination to tilt towards people most like ourselves, and even more powerfully, to withdraw from those we believe to be different.  States the author, "Greater negativity arises when dealing with those we perceive to be different than ourselves, especially racially." (27)  Secondly, we are vulnerable to emotional contagion - that is, feelings are often transferred among people, particularly from a leader to his/her followers. The feelings that are transferred may be healthy or destructive. Lastly, we are susceptible to emotional triggers - the fight-flight- freeze response, particularly in our relations with those of a different race. 

  

Self-awareness is the weapon to combat these negative influences of emotions.  Noticing our body language and tone of voice is "an early-warning system to the emotions bubbling below the surface of awareness." (41)  For instance, do we sit further away from or make less eye contact with those we perceive to be different from ourselves?  Through meditation or periodic reflection on the times during the day we become anxious, uncertain, or upset, and through seeking feedback from others, we can overcome our "personal blind spots" with respect to how we feel about those we view as different. (44)

While acknowledging in Chapter 3 that all people are plagued by implicit biases, Choudhury also remains hopeful that "Conscious effort can be applied to manage and reduce this masked form of bigotry." (49)  He hi-lights 6 key findings concerning implicit bias from the Harvard Implicit Association Test (IAT) - an online assessment which has participants pair words with specific groups of people in order to determine people's associations with these groups:

• We all possess implicit biases, preferring some groups over others;
• We are unaware of our implicit biases -they are a blind spot;
• We differ though in our levels or degrees of implicit bias;
• Our behaviour is determined by our implicit biases;
• Group power can magnify or mitigate our biases; and,
• Non-dominant groups often internalize negative bias - that is, unconscious prejudice can even cause members of minority groups to distrust or dislike their own ethnocultural or racial group.         

The author maintains that, since stereotypes "...are simply an overused neural pathway..." of negative associations with a racial group, the solution is "...to build a new neural pathway by creating new association[s]...." (66)  One bias reduction strategy he recommends is educating oneself about positive role models from among the marginalized group. (ie. Barack Obama)  Exposure to and friendships with people belonging to other groups is also effective.  Since our biases are often hidden from ourselves, the author also recommends that we rely on mediators or mentor-caches to detect any contradictions between what we profess to believe and our actions.  He also promotes self-regulation practices such as breathing exercises, positive self-talk, and self-expression through the arts, to help us manage the uneasy, shameful, and angry feelings that arise from recognizing our implicit biases.  

   

The 3rd pillar of the Deep Diversity framework is our tribe mentality.  As Choudhury writes, "...belonging to groups is a key driver of human behaviour...." (77)  All of us possess an in-group bias such that we are more tolerant and forgiving of those whom we regard as similar to us and "...harsher in our judgments ...less forgiving...." of those from out-groups. (84)   Our social norms (what the author describes as the "rules of the game") are defined by our group, and when out-group members don't follow a norm, we become uncomfortable, agitated, and even offended.  An example Choudhury gives is the North American norm of greeting someone with a firm handshake.  When members of other cultures, for whom a handshake is not a norm (ie. Italians), offer, instead, a kiss in way of greeting, we are thrown off.   Empathy and self-awareness can help us overcome in-group bias and out-group prejudice.  When it comes to the discomfort one feels with respect to out-group members, self-awareness is particularly important,  Notes the author, "...if you name it, you tame it." (94)

When it comes to the dividing force of power, the subject of Chapter 5, Choudhury shares some important insights.  First, for those among the dominant group in a society, it is difficult to see their privileged position.  It is equally difficult for them "...to see how the system functions to reward [their] efforts while holding back those of others based on such flimsy factors as social identity." (101)  Lastly, those marginalized by the system often feel disempowered and negative.  Referring to Sidanius and Pratto's social dominance theory, which is predicated on the premise that a dominant group exists in every society, the author hi-lights several negative consequences of hierarchical societies;

• both individual and institutional discrimination are common
• psychological distortions proliferate - such as internalized dominance (false belief of dominant group members that their culture and norms are superior) and internalized racism (equally false belief of non-dominant group members that their group is inferior;
• Marginalized group members engage in self-destructive behaviours including self-sabotage due to institutional discrimination; and,
• Powerful cultural myths endure - such as the American Dream, which simplistically suggests that success or failure is the result of how hard one works.              

The American Dream - a cultural myth

Self-education, in the forms of both self-study and experiential learning through relationships with people of different ethno-cultural identities, is an effective way to obviate these negative effects.

In the final chapter, appropriately called "Bringing It All Together", the author discusses the inner skill or discipline of making meaning, which involves the ability to "...find constructive life lessons in adversity." (157)  This capacity, he maintains, enables those who are marginalized to "bounce back" from acts of discrimination and remain optimistic.  Self-reflective questions such as Why did this happen? and What good can come of it? are helpful in this process.

 Choudhury also provides, in the last chapter, advice for members of the dominant group.  First, "Accept the fact that all of us have implicit bias." (169)  Next, commit to "...a process of learning and unlearning" in order to become aware of one's implicit biases and develop new habits of inclusiveness and equity. (162)  Most important of all, adopt "...the Platinum Rule in the world of inclusion, diversity, and equity: Treat others the way they want to be treated. (Rather than, as the Golden Rule many of us have learned puts it, the way you want to be treated." (168)       

Sacred Compass

SACRED COMPASS

by J. Brent Bill

As author J. Brent Bill explains in the Introduction, the central metaphor in Sacred Compass "...for our spiritual lives and the work of discerning God's will for us" is the compass, (xi.)  As adventurers and explorers know, wherever they roam, the compass will always point towards true north.  For the author, "Learning to follow the sacred compass means living in a constant state of discernment and obedience to God." (xv.)  The sacred compass requires that we "travel by faith" and be guided by spiritual maps such as the Bible, prayer, and spiritual mentors. (xv.)  Following the sacred compass, provides us with purpose and promise throughout our lives.

In the first chapter, the author uses the quaint Quaker phrase as way opens to hi-light the way in which we should proceed through life: "...take time to wait for God's guidance before moving ahead." (2)  Our lives should be viewed as pilgrimages guided by the Holy Spirit.  Key realizations that emerge from viewing ourselves as pilgrims journeying through life are as follows:

• Our journeys can take many paths;
• We find God and our next steps on the journey through small details - "God speaks to us through every event of every day." (18);
• We travel with other pilgrims;
• Prayer is an important part of discernment; and,
• "This idea of life as pilgrimage is countercultural." (20)

Brent Bill elaborates on the last point by writing:

          We live in a tourist society.  We pass through life looking for attractive sights [sic] 

          to visit and enjoyable experiences to partake of, and then move on.  As we move 

          deeper into the life of the spirit, though, we grow into understanding that faith is

          more than a tourist attraction.  Faith is a journey.  Faith is a slog.   ...Faith stretches 

          us.  It deepens us. (20)    

As one journeys as a pilgrim through life, the author emphasizes, in Chapter 2, that one must "Let your life speak" (21) both to others and oneself.  An important part of letting one's life speak to oneself is attending to what the author calls body wisdom - "...what our bodies say about the situations life presents and the directions we feel led to go." (23)  He adds that one's path to God "...is more of a hike than a tour...", neither safe nor smooth, but that the path is necessarily rocky so that "...we see and feel and learn things that we can't in any other way." (25)   

The author offers several other ways to allow one's life to speak.  One way is to tell one's faith story in whatever format works best  - through writing, speaking, drawing, painting, etc.  Another is through embracing opportunities - "...placing ourselves 'in the way' of opportunities for growth and experience." (32)   One's life can also speak through one's dreams.   One's life can speak through the seasons of one's life as "God's guidance is fitted to our ability - spiritually and physically..." and differs depending upon our age. (38)  Lastly, one's life can speak to one through the practice of reviewing each day - "...probe [each day] for what you think the day has been telling you.  Talk to God about what you feel you're hearing." (45)       

In Chapter 3, Brent Bill shares his insights regarding leadings - another Quaker term which, in this case, refers to the "...direction or guidance coming from the Spirit of God." (48)  For the author, leadings are like signs that help one locate a house along a country lane.  Two aspects of leadings are that they are often subtle and not always initially clear.  Increased clarity will come when one is obedient to God.  One can discern that a leading is "true" if it comes from within (like an "itch") and is persistent. (54)  To ensure proper understanding of a leading, one should observe a period of waiting before hastily following it.  Another test of a leading is that it is consistent with fruits of the spirit such as love, peace, kindness, and faithfulness.  As well, a true leading never contravenes God's laws. The ultimate test of a leading is whether or not there is life in it, and if so, whether it brings calmness.

                             

In Chapter 4, the author continues with the theme of leadings by elaborating on 3 stages in a process for testing leadings.  In the sensing stage, one should ask Where's the leading coming from?  If it is "driven by ego", then it is a false leading. (73)  Other questions to ask in the sensing stage are Is the leading Compelling? and Will the leading change you?  For instance, will it help one grow spiritually or experience compassion?  In waiting, the 2nd stage, "...we invite things and people beyond ourselves to help us confirm our leading...." (77)  One can consult scripture or practice guided meditation such as the examen.  Waiting with the Arts - by reading, journaling, or listening to music - is also recommended as is waiting with spiritual friends and advisors.    Taking action is the last step in the process.

The dark path of losing one's way along the spiritual path through life is explored in Chapter 5.  The author reassures the reader that occasional and even protracted feelings of "lostness" are a natural part of viewing one's life as a pilgrimage. He adds, "We soon discover that pilgrimages are rarely journeys of ease or comfort." (100)  Indeed, he goes one step further in writing that feeling lost and alone "...are a good thing..." as discomfort directs one to ask questions such as:

•  Have you read your sacred compass correctly?, 
• What is God saying to you through this way? 
• How did I get in this situation?
• Can I learn something from this? (102)   

He also reminds the reader that even saints such as Mother Teresa had crises of faith.  Other positive aspects that can emerge along the dark path are healing and growth.  As well, creativity may be sparked and, ironically, one's lostness may benefit others by helping illuminate their paths forward. 

Even Saint Mother Teresa experienced the dark path

                 

The chapter entitled "West of Eden" answers the question What if the Way Takes Us to Unexpected Places?   Part of the answer is a reminder that "The Bible is full of stories of people whose sacred compass led them to unexpected places" (131), such as Jonah and the whale and St. Paul, who was struck with blindness on the road to Damascus.  The author also adds that "The path leading us to unexpected places offers an opportunity for reflection...." (143) 

Brent Bill concludes with some advice on how to best provide assistance to others walking the pilgrimage with us.   The pilgrim should share his/her wisdom in a supportive way, which involves more listening than speaking and asking questions.  The goal should be to direct them to "Christ their Inner Teacher" and "point them to God's wisdom." (149)   As well, "...walk alongside others during their dark time." (155)    

When Mentoring Meets Coaching - Part 2

WHEN MENTORING MEETS COACHING
Part Two

by Kate Sharpe & Jeanie Nishimura

In Chapter 5 of When Mentoring Meets Coaching, authors KateSharpe and Jeanie Nishimura discuss the 3 key aspects of being coach-like.  The first aspect is presence,  which they define as "our internal state of readiness as mentor-coaches". (98)  Being fully present as a mentor-coach includes staying in the moment, being fully conscious, actively listening, being open-minded, and "letting go, and not anticipating or predicting". (102)  Part of being fully aware as a mentor-coach is "quieting our internal chatter", which means putting aside one's own to do list, concerns, and priorities.   In order to achieve presence during a mentor-coach/mentee discussion, it is important for the mentor-coach to clear his/her mind and "arrive without preconceived notions". (109)  The authors list a number of practices that help a mentor-coach develop presence, including meditation, improvisation, and movement and stretching.

The second aspect of presence is mindset.  The mindset of a mentor-coach is comprised of components such as

• assuming the mentee is competent;
• being inquiry based, not directive;
• being non-judgemental; and,
• viewing the learning as the mentee's work  

The final aspect is stance, which involves 6 principles:

• Inviting discovery and reflection;
• Fostering awareness;
• Sharing  mentor-coach's experiences (when doing so supports the mentee);
• Holding the mentee resourceful;
• Supporting the mentee's strengths and values; and,
• Collaborating   

Effective listening is the topic of Chapter 6.  The main distinction the authors make is between listening through and listening to.  The former refers to being distracted in one's listening - a listening stance that is ineffectual.  Some external listening distractions that the authors identify are other people, the environment, and various forms of technology.  More subtle internal types of listening distractions include one's internal state (ie. being worried, agitated, or bored), making mental to-do lists, and connecting to one's own experiences or memories rather than those of the mentee.  The strategy the authors recommend for moving out of distracted listening is to name the particular distractor(s).  Once the distraction is identified, one "...can consciously move it out of the way." (124)

In contrast, listening to is deep or focused listening: "We are aware of the speaker's words, energy, tone of voice, body language and gestures, emotional expression, and so on." (127)   Having a listening to stance includes, as Stephen Covey noted, "Listening with the intent to understand rather than the intent to reply." (133)   Also important to effective listening is recognizing the filters and barriers to one's listening.  For instance, recognizing that one's age, gender, culture, and ethnicity influence our listening as do one's past experiences and one's present mental and emotional state.  Listening to the language the mentee uses is also important for a mentor-coach.  He/She should attend to both what the mentee says and doesn't say and attend to language that reveals the mentee's assumptions, values, and growing edges.

Chapter 7 examines the important mentor-coaching skills of asking questions and focusing on the mentee's agenda.  Sharpe and Nishimura emphasize that the mentor-coach should resist the temptation to solve the mentee's problems or supply the "right answer"|; instead, the mentor-coach should adopt an "open stance", serving as a "thinking partner". (144) 

According to the authors, questions should be simple and clear, results-oriented, on target, and challenging.  They also identify different types of questions that the mentor-coach should ask.  There are questions that support the mentee's agenda including What do you want to focus on today? (152) and questions such as What is the result you are wanting? which expand his/her awareness. (153)  Also good are questions that challenge the mentee's beliefs and assumptions such as What assumptions are you holding? (154) and questions that invite reflection; for instance, What feedback would be most valuable for you right now? (155)  Questions that support forward movement and change include What are your first steps? (156) and, equally good, are questions that explore the mentee's learning edges, such as Where is the stretch in this for you? (157)   Questions should be open-ended (Tell me about ...).  Question types to avoid are those that are leading or suggestive and questions intended to advise or fix. (ie. How about getting someone else to lead the meeting?) (161)

An important part of keeping the focus on the mentee's agenda is generating questions from the mentee's own language.  For example, when the mentee says he/she has to do something, a good response is You 'have to'?  What does that mean for you? (162)   In particular, the mentor-coach should learn to "...'listen for' moments when the mentee is, or is not, referring to or accessing particular parts of themselves or their [sic] situation, such as strengths, values, core beliefs, assumptions, their inner critic, and commitment." (163)  A good example of such deep listening is attending to metaphors such as the following that the mentee uses: A mountain of work? Where are you in that? (163)

In Chapter 8, the authors present a model for navigating the mentor-coaching conversation.   This model consists of 6 concentric circles, which represent the layers of the conversation.  It has an arrow running through the circles and pointing outward, which shows the movement in the conversation  from the mentee's agenda to the mentee's growing awareness of the possibilities for bringing about desired changes (learning).    In the Red Zone are, first, the mentee's agenda, and then, in the second circle, his/her deepening awareness, which is prompted by the mentor-coach's questions and feedback The third and fourth circle form the proceed with caution Yellow Zone.  In this zone possibilities for action are generated and explored and then the mentor-coach helps the mentee propel forward by discovering the possibility which most engages him\her and aligns with his/her goals and values.   In the Green Zone, the mentee first steps up into action by "actualizing resources",  "clearing obstacles", and "securing a concrete action plan" (198 & 200)   Lastly, the mentee secures his/her own accountability.

The final chapter deals with feedback.   The authors refer to the work of Hattie and Timperley (2007), which suggests that effective feedback answer 3 important questions:

• Where am I going?
• How am I going?
• Where to next? (226)

 As well, they reference Rock (2016) in maintaining that mentor-coaches should "...move away from ... constructive performance feedback", and instead, "...respectfully ask [mentees] what they learned and how [the mentor-coaches] can best help them to improve even further." (228)   The mentor-coach should offer feedback respectfully, link the feedback to the mentee's intentions and values, and "Offer balanced and concrete observations that are in line with the mentee's desired results." (235)   The mentor-coach must also "...be mindful of how the feedback is 'landing' [being received] for the mentee." (236)   The authors also identify 3 approaches for mentor-coach feedback:

• Acknowledging to inspire: Sharing with the mentee "who they are being in order to do what they are doing." (237)
• Holding Up the Mirror to produce insight: Inviting the mentee to reflect.
• Sharing observations to incite: Sharing evidence-based observations without judgement.

A key point the authors make is that mentor-coaches should also invite feedback from their mentees on their mentoring-coaching.                    

When Mentoring Meets Coaching Part 1

WHEN MENTORING MEETS COACHING
Part One

by Kate Sharpe & Jeanie Nishimura

Co-authors Kate Sharpe and Jeanie Nishimura explicitly state in the Introduction the purpose of their book When Mentoring Meets Coaching: "...to provide all those involved in education ...with the principles, attitudes, behaviours, and skills they need to support capacity building from the inside out." (xvii)  

The inside out approach to mentoring and coaching that the co-authors recommend " ...shifts the traditional focus of the [mentoring-coaching] relationship from one of sharing on the part of the mentor to one of focusing on the wants and needs of the mentee through inquiry, reflection, and accountability." (3)  The mentor, in this approach, moves away from playing the role of expert and advisor, and instead, "...invites the mentee to dig deep and access their [sic] own gifts and wisdom, in the service of building their confidence and competence." (7) 

Sharpe and Nishimura contend that a powerful learning model results when mentoring and coaching are combined.  This model has several key components:

1. A clear set of coaching skills and principles;
2. A capacity-building approach whereby the mentor asks questions rather than gives answers;
3. A "path for structured conversation"; and,
4. The promise of "support over time". (15)  

The 6 guiding principles of mentoring and coaching are summarized at the end of the first chapter:

1. Co-creating the mentor-coaching relationship through building trust and offering support, challenge, and encouragement;
2. Holding the mentee resourceful and creating a space for the mentee "...to dig inside and find the path or solution" for him/herself'. (21);
3. Supporting the mentee's strengths and values;
4. Inviting the mentee's reflection and self-discovery;
5. Fostering awareness, choices, and accountability; and,
6. Sharing mentor-coach experiences and expertise only when doing so is "in service of the mentee". (18)

Co-authors Kate Sharpe & Jeanie Nishimura

In Chapter 2, the co-authors explore how the mentor-coach can help the mentee build his/her capacity.  The key thing for the mentor-coach to do is to help the mentee identify his or her strengths and leverage them during leadership challenges.  The authors suggest that a written list of the mentee's strengths be generated and kept available so that they can be accessed during mentor-coaching conversations and when challenges arise.   This strength-based approach, however, does not imply that a mentee's weaknesses be ignored; rather, the mentee should "manage" his or her weaknesses by adjusting his or her mindset and holding realistic expectations for him/herself . (26)  

In the remainder of Chapter 2, Sharpe and Nishimura demonstrate that current research - including research summarized in the McKinsey Report (2012) - indicates that "...coaching and mentoring are two of the most effective methodologies to support enhanced professional learning and integration." (34)   They also show in this chapter that mentor-coaching from the inside out is an effective approach to adult learning as it places the mentee in charge of his/her own learning, focuses on "real and relevant experiences", and is based on the principle that adults bring a depth of experience and knowledge to the learning process. (40) 

The focus of Chapter 3 is on the mentor-coaching relationship.  The mentor-coaching relationship should be such that, in the language of Edmondson's (2003) concepts, both psychological safety and accountability are high.

Edmondson's Four Zones 

According to the authors, the optimal Learning Zone is achieved when the mentor-coaching relationship is collaborative, open, flexible, interdependent, and focused on learning.   They also maintain that the starting point of the mentor-coach relationship should be a focus on the mentee's "learning wants" and "growing edges". (56)   Important aspects of the mentor-coaching relationship include:

• appreciative or strengths-based mindset  
• reciprocal learning 
• mentor as a thinking partner

Sharpe and Nishimura illustrate the critical characteristics of an effective mentor-coaching relationship via their Mentor-Coaching Relationship Critical Characteristics Wheel:

Meaning Making is achieved through the mentor-coach's sharing of stories , wisdom, and experience that support the mentee's learning.  With respect to Confidence and Assuming Competence, the authors note that "...the guiding mentor-coaching principle [is] holding the mentee resourceful, creative, and expert in [his or her]own life." (69)

The main topic of Chapter 4 is the authors' mentor-coaching model.   This model has three zones - red, yellow, and green.  The task of the mentor-coach is to support the mentee in moving through the red zone first, then the yellow zone, and finally, the green zone.   The red zone focuses on the individual - the mentee's awareness of his/her own strengths, values, and goals.  The yellow zone shifts the focus to the collective - to other stakeholders, including the mentor-coach, and how they can support the mentee in his/her learning and growth.   The green zone is about results - "...specific, desired changes in performance, fulfillment, and growth for the mentee." (89)

Sharpe & Nishimura's Mentor-Coaching Model

    

  

          

   

On Earth As it is in Heaven

ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN

On Thursday, September 27, 2012, the keynote speaker at the Director's Conference for Leaders was Dr. Josephine Lombardi.  She spoke about her book on the Lord's Prayer, which is called On Earth as it is in Heaven.

  

In On Earth as it is in Heaven, Lombardi develops the idea that the Lord's Prayer reveals the way to salvation or restoration: 

               God accepts our repentance; forgives our sins; calls us to forgive ourselves and 
               others; heals our shame and guilt; liberates us from thoughts and habits that 
               frustrate freedom, delivers us from oppression, addiction, and our fears; and 
               leads us to everlasting life. (18)



 Lombardi analyzes the Our Father, line by line, in each chapter of her book.  Each chapter concludes with reflective questions and a brief prayer focused on the particular phrase from the Lord's Prayer which is the subject of the chapter.

In the chapter focused on the first line of the Lord's Prayer, Our Father in heaven, Lombardi points out that the term for 'father' used in the Lord's Prayer is the Aramaic word abba, which is the equivalent of the English term 'daddy', 'dad', or 'dearest father'. (27)  According to the author, the use of this term tells us that we should approach God intimately - as children coming to her/his father.  She writes: "Jesus' reference to God as 'Father' implies a positive, life-giving relationship with the God who desires to be worshipped and understood as a loving and merciful parent...." (30)  For Lombardi, "It is a relationship that is rooted in intimacy, trust, and connectedness." (34)

Hallowed be Your Name, the 1st petition of the Lord's Prayer, is, for the author, both our acknowledgement of "the holiness of God's name" (39) and a "petition" or calling to honor God's holiness through our own holiness in life - through our actions, thoughts, and words - "...carrying out our promises to follow the commandments, our baptismal promises, and loving self, others, and God." (40)  At the end of this chapter, the author poses an excellent reflective question: "How do you live out your call to holiness?" (44)

The second petition of the Lord's prayer is found in the line Your kingdom come, which "...speaks of the arrival of God's reign." (45)  Lombardi emphasizes though that God's kingdom in this line does not refer to a place but rather "...to the divine power and authority" already in the world which transforms our sinful natures into Christ-like righteousness.  We bring about God's kingdom in our lives and communities when we allow this change to occur.  The author quotes one of her theology professors who, in way of explaining that God's kingdom only arrives when we die to our old sinful ways, said, "Your kingdom come, my kingdom go!" (46)

Your will be done is the 3rd petition.  Lombardi poses the question How do we know what God's will is?  She provides several answers:

• It is found in scripture ie. the 10 Commandments;
• It rests in our conscience; and,
• It includes "the salvation of all people". (52)  

A reflective question she includes for the third petition is What are some obstacles that prevent you from doing God's will? (56)

In clarifying the 4th petition, Give us this day our daily bread, the author notes that the Catechism of the Catholic Church defines daily bread as "...all appropriate goods and blessings, both material and spiritual". (58)  God wants to provide for our minds, bodies, and spirits. "Material blessing is a part of the greater spiritual blessing." (63)  We are also called to help supply "daily bread" for others in need.
The author askes: What has been your "time of trial"? (97)

Concerning the 5th petition, And forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors, the author states that "The process of forgiveness brings healing to all involved." (69) Those who were wronged, learn mercy; those who were lost through sin and harming others are restored. She adds that while God's forgiveness of our sins is"assured", God also "...wants to give us understanding ...so that our learning can be complete." (75)  Understanding of the causes and harmful consequences of our sins involves "...our desire to restore what has been lost or distorted." In summary, "Healing is the fruit of forgiveness and understanding." (78)

Lombardi explores, as well, the link between forgiveness and physical health and healing:

               ...some research does show that guilt, shame, and a lack of forgiveness may
               compromise a person's health ...Forgiveness of self and others, meanwhile
               leads to improved health. (82 & 80)

The second-to-last petition, And do not bring us to the time of trial, is a reminder "...of our need for humility and surrender to God's guidance." (93)  It is pride that leads us into temptations such as addictions, which the author makes the focus of this section.  "We trick ourselves into thinking we are in control. 'I can handle this.'" (93)  The antidotes for pride are humility and acceptance of God's grace. 

The final petition of the Lord's Prayer is Rescue us from the evil one.  This petition begs the question: Who or what is the 'evil one'.  Lombardi supplies 2 related answers.  First, she points out that "The Cathechism of the Catholic Church teaches that this evil one is Satan" - an actual supernatural adversary to God. (101)  However, she cautions that blaming satan for all evil action "...takes away from human responsibility...." (103)  She elaborates by exploring in the remainder of this chapter several internal "demons" from which we need deliverance: fear, anxiety, and pride.  

Standing In The Fire

STANDING IN THE FIRE

by Larry Dressler

In Standing in The Fire, Larry Dessler examines 6 ways that those who facilitate groups can successfully deal with high-heat meetings:

-       Stand with self-awareness

-       Stand in the here and now

-       Stand with an open mind

-       Know what you stand for

-       Dance with surprises

-       Stand with compassion

Before exploring these 6 way of standing in the fire, Dressler first distinguishes between two types of energy or ‘fire’ that can be ignited by high-heat meetings.  The first is a negative self-protective reaction. Negative forms of group heat include aggressiveness and defensiveness.  The second is the positive energy of deliberate choice and wise action.  The role of an effective group facilitator, or fire tender, is to role model the latter, and by doing so, “bring out the life-generating, creative potential of group fire” - in other words, cast light as opposed to darkness onto a meeting.

Author Larry Dressler

For each of the ways of standing, Dressler describes first how a group leader, if not attentive, can lapse into negative thinking and/or behaviour, and then Dressler elaborates on the capacities the leader needs to master in order to successfully stand in the fire.

 With respect to standing with self-awareness, Dressler points out that we all have hot buttons, based on our past experiences, and if we don’t develop an awareness of these triggers, they can set us off to respond in an aggressive or defensive manner.  However, if the practices of self-observation, whole-body sensing, and reflective processing are cultivated, then we will be more aware of our internal narratives and feelings and recognize that we needn’t be controlled by them, but instead, can create  space for better responses.

Dilbert Cartoon - Emotional Trigger

Standing in the here and now involves being alert yet at ease with what’s currently happening. We get ourselves in trouble when, instead, we become preoccupied with regrets about the past and worries about the future.  We can maintain here-ness by cultivating two practices.  First, we should attend vigilantly to what’s going on in the group around us and to the thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing.  Secondly, we should keep still, and rather than seek to take control of the group by imposing our will on others, we should assume the role of a witness.

Standing with an open mind is maintaining a stance of not knowing and a sense of inquiry.  In short, it involves a willingness to say I don’t know and be comfortable with this not knowing.  It also involves resisting the urge to resolve contradictory positions too quickly. The danger that results from not taking this stance is an over-confidence that can lead us to believing that we know more than we actually do.  We can stand with openness by displaying humility, suspending judgment, being curious, and optimistically holding on to possibilities. 

The over-confidence mistake

View Dressler speaking on Standing in The Fire:    Larry Dressler on Standing in The Fire

When we make ineffectual low-integrity moves in moments of tension during group situations, we fail to show that we know what we stand for.  Low integrity actions include:

-       Putting on a false persona to appear smarter or gain popularity;

-       Overreacting or being overly aggressive;

-       Acting ambivalently or uninterested when involvement is required.

To know what we stand for involves commitment to a guiding intention.  We must have clarity about our higher purposes and be committed to working and living by the principles we value.

Dancing with surprises means exercising flexibility when we encounter unexpected and even threatening events during a meeting.  We burn ourselves when we give in to the desire to control rather than go with the flow.  

Obsessive focus on control - another mistake in management

We can effectively dance with surprises by letting go of our beliefs and expectations (when doing so serves our guiding purpose), exercising playfulness and not taking ourselves too seriously, and keeping the faith in the collaborative process. 

Finally, standing with compassion challenges us to acknowledge the struggle and suffering within people –including within ourselves.  We fail to take this stance when we resort to flight or fight reactions.  Emotional detachment is one form of flight response.  Becoming overly aggressive is taking a fight approach.  We successfully stand with compassion when we embrace emotional openness, self-acceptance, awareness of the whole person, and unconditional positive regard for others (dignity of person s).   

Freakonomics - Part 2

FREAKONOMICS - Part 2

by Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

Chapter 4: "Where Have All The Criminals Gone?" of Freakonomics provides strong support for the 3rd concept that co-authors Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner explore in their best-selling book.  Concept 3 is Dramatic effects often have distant, even subtle causes.  Chapter 4 also reaffirms their 2nd concept - Conventional wisdom is often wrong - and their 5th concept - Knowing what to measure and how to measure it makes a complicated world much less so.

In Chapter 4, the authors set out to show that several commonly held views for why the crime rate dropped dramatically during the 1990s don't hold up to scrutiny.  For instance, the most popular reason given for the crime drop (as suggested by the LexisNexis database*) is innovative policing strategies, such as those instituted in New Youk City by Mayor Rudolpho Giuliani and his hand-picked police commissioner William Bratton.  The authors conclude though that "...a careful analysis of the facts shows that the innovative policing strategies probably had little effect on this huge decline." (128)   For one thing, the New York City crime rate was alreading plunging even before Giuliani and Bratton's arrivals on the scene.  Furthermore, as it turns out, crime rates dropped significantly across all of America in the 1990s, not just in places such as New York City that introduced innovative policing practices.  

Levitt and Dubner also present other commonly given reasons to show that other conventional explanations for the crime drop (ie. tougher gun laws, a stronger ecomony) likewise don't adequately explain why the crime rate dropped during the 1990s.

Their analysis reveals instead a hidden and seemingly remotely connected reason: the legalization across America in 1973 of abortion:

            In the early 1990s, just as the first cohort of children born after Roe v. Wade 

            was hitting its late teen years - the years during which young men enter their

            criminal prime - the rate of crime began to fall.  What this cohort was missing,

            of course, were the children who stood the greatest chance of becoming

            criminals. (139)

In summary of Concept 3, the authors write:

            We have evolved with a tendency to link causality to things we can touch or

            feel, not to some distant or difficult phenomenon.  We believe especially in

            near-term causes. (140)

In answering, in Chapter 5, the question How much do parents really matter when it comes to success for their children in school?, the authors again provide support for their 2nd and 5th concepts. To address this question, they apply regression analysis (which determines correlation) to data obtained from the U.S. Department of Education's Early Childhood Longitudinal Study.  The results are surprising.  Conventional expanations such as The child's family is intact, The child attended Head Start, and The child's parents read to him [sic] nearly every day do not correlate with success for a child in school.  Furthermore, "Despite the conventional wisdom, watching television apparently does not turn a child's brain to mush...", that is, it doesn't correlate with a lack of school success.   According to the survey, the factors that do correlate with early school success are characteristcs of the parents, such as their being well educated, successful in careers, and healthy.

What the authors conclude from they analysis is that "...it isn't so much a matter of what you do as a parent [that accounts for a child's success in school]; it's who you are. (178)  Add Levitt and Dubner:

            For parents - and parenting experts - who are obsessed with child-rearing 

            techniques, this may be sobering news.  The reality is that technique looks

            to be highly overrated. (177-178)

In line with their 5th concept, the authors analyze the "predictive powers" associated with first names that parents select for their children.  They state that "Many parents seem to believe that a child cannot prosper unless it is hitched to the right name." (181)   Thus, they ask the question Does the name you give your child affect his life?  

The California birth-certificate data for 1961 (more than 16,000,000 births) indicates that, overall, people with distinctively black names (ie. DeShawn or Imani) do have a worse educational, income, and health outcome than people with white-sounding names (ie. Jake or Molly).  However, according to the authors, a deeper analysis of the data reveals that this correlation doesn't equal a cause and effect relationship.  Rather, they conclude that a black or white sounding name is only "...an indicator - not a cause - of [an individual's] outcome." (192)  They elaborate as follows:

            If two black boys, Jake Williams and DeShawn Williams, are born in the same

            neighbourhood and into the same familial and economic circumstances, they

            would likely have similar life outcomes.  But the kind of parents who name their 

            son Jake don't  tend to live in the same neighbourhoods or share economic

            circumstances with the kinds of parents who name their son DeShawn.  ...A

            DeShawn is more likely to have been handicapped by a low-income, low-

            education, single-parent background. [the actual cause] (191)     

The authors' answer then to the question they pose is clear:

            What the California names data suggest is that an overwhelming number of

            parents use a name to signal their own expectations of how successful their

            children will be.  The name isn't likely to make a shard of difference. (207)

      * The LexisNexis database cites reasons offered in articles found in America's 10 largest 
         newspapers.