Standing In The Fire

STANDING IN THE FIRE

by Larry Dressler

In Standing in The Fire, Larry Dessler examines 6 ways that those who facilitate groups can successfully deal with high-heat meetings:

-       Stand with self-awareness

-       Stand in the here and now

-       Stand with an open mind

-       Know what you stand for

-       Dance with surprises

-       Stand with compassion

Before exploring these 6 way of standing in the fire, Dressler first distinguishes between two types of energy or ‘fire’ that can be ignited by high-heat meetings.  The first is a negative self-protective reaction. Negative forms of group heat include aggressiveness and defensiveness.  The second is the positive energy of deliberate choice and wise action.  The role of an effective group facilitator, or fire tender, is to role model the latter, and by doing so, “bring out the life-generating, creative potential of group fire” - in other words, cast light as opposed to darkness onto a meeting.

Author Larry Dressler

For each of the ways of standing, Dressler describes first how a group leader, if not attentive, can lapse into negative thinking and/or behaviour, and then Dressler elaborates on the capacities the leader needs to master in order to successfully stand in the fire.

 With respect to standing with self-awareness, Dressler points out that we all have hot buttons, based on our past experiences, and if we don’t develop an awareness of these triggers, they can set us off to respond in an aggressive or defensive manner.  However, if the practices of self-observation, whole-body sensing, and reflective processing are cultivated, then we will be more aware of our internal narratives and feelings and recognize that we needn’t be controlled by them, but instead, can create  space for better responses.

Dilbert Cartoon - Emotional Trigger

Standing in the here and now involves being alert yet at ease with what’s currently happening. We get ourselves in trouble when, instead, we become preoccupied with regrets about the past and worries about the future.  We can maintain here-ness by cultivating two practices.  First, we should attend vigilantly to what’s going on in the group around us and to the thoughts and feelings that we are experiencing.  Secondly, we should keep still, and rather than seek to take control of the group by imposing our will on others, we should assume the role of a witness.

Standing with an open mind is maintaining a stance of not knowing and a sense of inquiry.  In short, it involves a willingness to say I don’t know and be comfortable with this not knowing.  It also involves resisting the urge to resolve contradictory positions too quickly. The danger that results from not taking this stance is an over-confidence that can lead us to believing that we know more than we actually do.  We can stand with openness by displaying humility, suspending judgment, being curious, and optimistically holding on to possibilities. 

The over-confidence mistake

View Dressler speaking on Standing in The Fire:    Larry Dressler on Standing in The Fire

When we make ineffectual low-integrity moves in moments of tension during group situations, we fail to show that we know what we stand for.  Low integrity actions include:

-       Putting on a false persona to appear smarter or gain popularity;

-       Overreacting or being overly aggressive;

-       Acting ambivalently or uninterested when involvement is required.

To know what we stand for involves commitment to a guiding intention.  We must have clarity about our higher purposes and be committed to working and living by the principles we value.

Dancing with surprises means exercising flexibility when we encounter unexpected and even threatening events during a meeting.  We burn ourselves when we give in to the desire to control rather than go with the flow.  

Obsessive focus on control - another mistake in management

We can effectively dance with surprises by letting go of our beliefs and expectations (when doing so serves our guiding purpose), exercising playfulness and not taking ourselves too seriously, and keeping the faith in the collaborative process. 

Finally, standing with compassion challenges us to acknowledge the struggle and suffering within people –including within ourselves.  We fail to take this stance when we resort to flight or fight reactions.  Emotional detachment is one form of flight response.  Becoming overly aggressive is taking a fight approach.  We successfully stand with compassion when we embrace emotional openness, self-acceptance, awareness of the whole person, and unconditional positive regard for others (dignity of person s).