The Grateful Disciple

THE GRATEFUL DISCIPLE

by David Wells

In the Forward to David Well's The Grateful Disciple, John Mannix alerts the reader that he/she should not read the anecdotes from Wells' life which the author shares in this book as exegesis, even though each anecdote is connected to a specific passage from scripture; rather, the reader should view the many anecdotes as examples of how the Holy Spirit offers "encouragement" to believers  "...through the most mundane of our experiences, if we have the wisdom and humility to listen." (11)

In the first anecdote, entitled In a class of my own, Wells reflects on how as a teacher in England he was unable to really connect with his students - despite his best efforts to provide rigorous and appealing lessons - until the moment he messed up by forgetting their exercise books in the staff room and then compounding his embarrassment by rushing into the wrong classroom and chastising the students in that room for apparent misbehaviour.  Writes Wells, when, in a moment of vulnerability, he revealed his mistakes to his students, "For the first time there was a connection between us, and it wasn't in my lesson plan." (19)  From this experience, Wells learned an invaluable lesson about teaching:

                   When we influence each other by who we are, we are teaching at a more
                    profound level.  We remember our teachers for who they are more than
                    what they taught us. (19)

From a spiritual point of view, this humorous incident helped him understand the deeper meaning of John 14:15-21, which describes the work of the Holy Spirit: "In this scripture we learn that the Spirit is sent to help us.  What we are unlikely to know is exactly what that will look like." (19)

Author and Teacher David Wells

Derek the Atheist is another vignette from the author's life which serves as an example of spiritual enlightenment from an unlikely source.  While serving as a panelist at a college debate - presumably on the topic of religious belief, Wells was moved to contemplation on the relationship between religion and science.  Another panelist asked Wells "Who are you?" When Wells responded with his name, the panelist snidely responded "No, I mean... Are you the Christian, the Muslim, or the Jew?  I'm Derek... the atheist." (41)  For Derek, religion and science were contradictory whereas to Wells they are compatible and even interdependent as was suggested to him by the astronomical clock in Exeter Cathedral.  Writes Wells, "For centuries religious people were leaders in the fields of astronomy, cosmology, calculus, and physics.  It would have been a complete absurdity to the people who built this clock to ask why anyone would disassociate scientific study and logic from religion and mysticism." (43)             

My favourite anecdote is the story of Wells' irascible student Stacey.  Wells describes her as a delinquent who was angry - ",,,with the world, angry with her life, angry with authority." (47)  She quietly controlled his class intimidating both him and the other students.  Writes Wells, "...she was the only student who ever beat me.  Her presence overshadowed mine." (47)   However, 10 years after she left his class, when he was was sitting in a back pew at St. Barnabas Cathedral in Nottingham, Stacey tapped him on the shoulder and shocked him by telling him that she came regularly to the church because of his influence.  Said Stacey, "I come here because of you." (50)

In reflecting upon his unrealized influence on her, Wells states:

               To this day I have no idea what I did for her.  The gift was to know I did it
               . ...whatever we have or achieve is God's gift to us.  ...My student Stacey
               would grow by God's grace not mine, in her time not mine, in her way not
               mine. So much so, that while I may have been instrumental in some small
               way, I have no way of knowing exactly how.  ...God uses us without our
               knowing how or when. (50-51)

Wells' revelation from his relationship with Stacey is one and the same as that which we take from Jesus' parable of the farmer (Mark 4:26) who scattered seed on his land.  As he slept and rose night and day, the seed sprout and grew and "he did not know how." (46) 

Mark 4: The Parable of the Mustard Seed

  

In "Nice shoes", Wells relates what he describes as "...one of the most vivid examples of Christian love I have witnessed." (78)  It occurred when he was just 17 years old.  While in the presbytery, he observed a brief exchange between the curate and a homeless man he identifies as 'Joey'.  Joey asked the curate for money to purchase new shoes.  Although it was obvious that Joey really wanted the money to buy alcohol, the curate noted the deplorable condition of Joey's current shoes, and rather than giving him money that would simply feed Joey's addiction, the curate gave him his own shoes.  Despite his not getting what he wanted, Joey was nonetheless delighted to receive the curate's shoes.

Wells was struck by this powerful act of kindness and wisdom.  Writes the author, "I was witnessing in him an image of Christ at work.  ...For all the many sermons that man gave, I remember none of them, except only one: the day he gave away his shoes - and it has stayed with me ever since." (81)               
In Chapter 24: The grateful disciple', the author contrasts the reactions of two of his childhood neighbours to balls and frisbees going over the fence into their gardens.  'Dorothy' reacted with joy and even generosity.  She would not only happily return the objects but as well pass over '...chocolate bars and treats of all kinds." (160)  'Ken', however, reacted with anger.  In reflecting on what made these two neighbours react differently, Wells concludes that it was simply gratitude.  While both had experienced a similar mixture of joy and pain in their lives, "Dorothy' chose to respond with a grateful heart.  Writes the author "Gratitude, it seems, is sometimes a powerful feeling - but most of the time it is a decision." (161)  As is written in Colossians 3, we should "...be thankful ...and with gratitude in [our]hearts sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God." (159) 

The last chapter is titled Stand by me.  In it, Wells writes about a student named 'Liam' whom he describes as difficult to like: "He wasn't rude or malicious, just lacking awareness, and he quickly irritated people." (176)  One late afternoon, when the author was evaluating student writing, a note from Liam's mother to her son fell out of Liam's book.  It read "Liam, don't forget what I told you.  Things will be okay.  I love you. Mum." (27)

Stunned by the devotion of Liam's mother for her unpopular son, Wells had a moment of epiphany: "The note was a stark reminder that I needed to look at this boy with the eyes of love.  ...Love stands by the unpopular person when they [sic] are ignored and overlooked.  When we stand by vulnerable and discarded people we are doing what Mary did [at the foot of the Cross (John 19:25-30)] and Jesus before her." (179)    

                           

Deep Diversity

DEEP DIVERSITY

by Shakil Choudhury

In Deep Diversity: Overcoming Us vs. Them, Shakil Choudhury, of Anima Leadership, presents his Deep Diversity framework, which consists of 4 insights and corresponding focal points.  The first insight is a recognition that our feelings or emotions greatly influence how we act.  Writes Choudhury, "Contrary to popular belief, we do not think our way through life. We feel our way." (12)  Developing emotional literacy and self-awareness is the focal point for this first insight.  Insight 2 is that all humans have implicit biases that influence us: "...we all have biases we are not aware of that play out on a daily basis." (4)  The focal point should be to make an effort to uncover our implicit biases through self-reflection and then exercising self-regulation in our behaviour.  The 3rd realization of the framework is "We have greater empathy ...for those most like ourselves." (5)  Developing greater understanding and empathy for those outside our tribe is the tonic for this potentially toxic tendency.  The final insight involves inequities in power between dominant and non-dominant groups with the solution lying in self-education.  

Adds the author, the deep diversity framework is essentially about "disrupting and debugging the Us/Them default setting..." that, if left unchecked, makes us inherently vulnerable to the destructive influences of emotions, biases, tribes, and power. (14)  He is optimistic, given the evidence of "neuroplasticity", that if we focus our attention on certain cognitive-behavioural skills, we can overcome these deep-seated negative influences.  

The focus of Chapter 2 is the influence of emotions.  Specifically, Choudhury explores 3 "unconscious and automatic" emotional tendencies that exacerbate the divisive Us/Them dynamic. (25)  The first is the tilt towards/away phenomenon.  We have a natural inclination to tilt towards people most like ourselves, and even more powerfully, to withdraw from those we believe to be different.  States the author, "Greater negativity arises when dealing with those we perceive to be different than ourselves, especially racially." (27)  Secondly, we are vulnerable to emotional contagion - that is, feelings are often transferred among people, particularly from a leader to his/her followers. The feelings that are transferred may be healthy or destructive. Lastly, we are susceptible to emotional triggers - the fight-flight- freeze response, particularly in our relations with those of a different race. 

  

Self-awareness is the weapon to combat these negative influences of emotions.  Noticing our body language and tone of voice is "an early-warning system to the emotions bubbling below the surface of awareness." (41)  For instance, do we sit further away from or make less eye contact with those we perceive to be different from ourselves?  Through meditation or periodic reflection on the times during the day we become anxious, uncertain, or upset, and through seeking feedback from others, we can overcome our "personal blind spots" with respect to how we feel about those we view as different. (44)

While acknowledging in Chapter 3 that all people are plagued by implicit biases, Choudhury also remains hopeful that "Conscious effort can be applied to manage and reduce this masked form of bigotry." (49)  He hi-lights 6 key findings concerning implicit bias from the Harvard Implicit Association Test (IAT) - an online assessment which has participants pair words with specific groups of people in order to determine people's associations with these groups:

• We all possess implicit biases, preferring some groups over others;
• We are unaware of our implicit biases -they are a blind spot;
• We differ though in our levels or degrees of implicit bias;
• Our behaviour is determined by our implicit biases;
• Group power can magnify or mitigate our biases; and,
• Non-dominant groups often internalize negative bias - that is, unconscious prejudice can even cause members of minority groups to distrust or dislike their own ethnocultural or racial group.         

The author maintains that, since stereotypes "...are simply an overused neural pathway..." of negative associations with a racial group, the solution is "...to build a new neural pathway by creating new association[s]...." (66)  One bias reduction strategy he recommends is educating oneself about positive role models from among the marginalized group. (ie. Barack Obama)  Exposure to and friendships with people belonging to other groups is also effective.  Since our biases are often hidden from ourselves, the author also recommends that we rely on mediators or mentor-caches to detect any contradictions between what we profess to believe and our actions.  He also promotes self-regulation practices such as breathing exercises, positive self-talk, and self-expression through the arts, to help us manage the uneasy, shameful, and angry feelings that arise from recognizing our implicit biases.  

   

The 3rd pillar of the Deep Diversity framework is our tribe mentality.  As Choudhury writes, "...belonging to groups is a key driver of human behaviour...." (77)  All of us possess an in-group bias such that we are more tolerant and forgiving of those whom we regard as similar to us and "...harsher in our judgments ...less forgiving...." of those from out-groups. (84)   Our social norms (what the author describes as the "rules of the game") are defined by our group, and when out-group members don't follow a norm, we become uncomfortable, agitated, and even offended.  An example Choudhury gives is the North American norm of greeting someone with a firm handshake.  When members of other cultures, for whom a handshake is not a norm (ie. Italians), offer, instead, a kiss in way of greeting, we are thrown off.   Empathy and self-awareness can help us overcome in-group bias and out-group prejudice.  When it comes to the discomfort one feels with respect to out-group members, self-awareness is particularly important,  Notes the author, "...if you name it, you tame it." (94)

When it comes to the dividing force of power, the subject of Chapter 5, Choudhury shares some important insights.  First, for those among the dominant group in a society, it is difficult to see their privileged position.  It is equally difficult for them "...to see how the system functions to reward [their] efforts while holding back those of others based on such flimsy factors as social identity." (101)  Lastly, those marginalized by the system often feel disempowered and negative.  Referring to Sidanius and Pratto's social dominance theory, which is predicated on the premise that a dominant group exists in every society, the author hi-lights several negative consequences of hierarchical societies;

• both individual and institutional discrimination are common
• psychological distortions proliferate - such as internalized dominance (false belief of dominant group members that their culture and norms are superior) and internalized racism (equally false belief of non-dominant group members that their group is inferior;
• Marginalized group members engage in self-destructive behaviours including self-sabotage due to institutional discrimination; and,
• Powerful cultural myths endure - such as the American Dream, which simplistically suggests that success or failure is the result of how hard one works.              

The American Dream - a cultural myth

Self-education, in the forms of both self-study and experiential learning through relationships with people of different ethno-cultural identities, is an effective way to obviate these negative effects.

In the final chapter, appropriately called "Bringing It All Together", the author discusses the inner skill or discipline of making meaning, which involves the ability to "...find constructive life lessons in adversity." (157)  This capacity, he maintains, enables those who are marginalized to "bounce back" from acts of discrimination and remain optimistic.  Self-reflective questions such as Why did this happen? and What good can come of it? are helpful in this process.

 Choudhury also provides, in the last chapter, advice for members of the dominant group.  First, "Accept the fact that all of us have implicit bias." (169)  Next, commit to "...a process of learning and unlearning" in order to become aware of one's implicit biases and develop new habits of inclusiveness and equity. (162)  Most important of all, adopt "...the Platinum Rule in the world of inclusion, diversity, and equity: Treat others the way they want to be treated. (Rather than, as the Golden Rule many of us have learned puts it, the way you want to be treated." (168)       

Sacred Compass

SACRED COMPASS

by J. Brent Bill

As author J. Brent Bill explains in the Introduction, the central metaphor in Sacred Compass "...for our spiritual lives and the work of discerning God's will for us" is the compass, (xi.)  As adventurers and explorers know, wherever they roam, the compass will always point towards true north.  For the author, "Learning to follow the sacred compass means living in a constant state of discernment and obedience to God." (xv.)  The sacred compass requires that we "travel by faith" and be guided by spiritual maps such as the Bible, prayer, and spiritual mentors. (xv.)  Following the sacred compass, provides us with purpose and promise throughout our lives.

In the first chapter, the author uses the quaint Quaker phrase as way opens to hi-light the way in which we should proceed through life: "...take time to wait for God's guidance before moving ahead." (2)  Our lives should be viewed as pilgrimages guided by the Holy Spirit.  Key realizations that emerge from viewing ourselves as pilgrims journeying through life are as follows:

• Our journeys can take many paths;
• We find God and our next steps on the journey through small details - "God speaks to us through every event of every day." (18);
• We travel with other pilgrims;
• Prayer is an important part of discernment; and,
• "This idea of life as pilgrimage is countercultural." (20)

Brent Bill elaborates on the last point by writing:

          We live in a tourist society.  We pass through life looking for attractive sights [sic] 

          to visit and enjoyable experiences to partake of, and then move on.  As we move 

          deeper into the life of the spirit, though, we grow into understanding that faith is

          more than a tourist attraction.  Faith is a journey.  Faith is a slog.   ...Faith stretches 

          us.  It deepens us. (20)    

As one journeys as a pilgrim through life, the author emphasizes, in Chapter 2, that one must "Let your life speak" (21) both to others and oneself.  An important part of letting one's life speak to oneself is attending to what the author calls body wisdom - "...what our bodies say about the situations life presents and the directions we feel led to go." (23)  He adds that one's path to God "...is more of a hike than a tour...", neither safe nor smooth, but that the path is necessarily rocky so that "...we see and feel and learn things that we can't in any other way." (25)   

The author offers several other ways to allow one's life to speak.  One way is to tell one's faith story in whatever format works best  - through writing, speaking, drawing, painting, etc.  Another is through embracing opportunities - "...placing ourselves 'in the way' of opportunities for growth and experience." (32)   One's life can also speak through one's dreams.   One's life can speak through the seasons of one's life as "God's guidance is fitted to our ability - spiritually and physically..." and differs depending upon our age. (38)  Lastly, one's life can speak to one through the practice of reviewing each day - "...probe [each day] for what you think the day has been telling you.  Talk to God about what you feel you're hearing." (45)       

In Chapter 3, Brent Bill shares his insights regarding leadings - another Quaker term which, in this case, refers to the "...direction or guidance coming from the Spirit of God." (48)  For the author, leadings are like signs that help one locate a house along a country lane.  Two aspects of leadings are that they are often subtle and not always initially clear.  Increased clarity will come when one is obedient to God.  One can discern that a leading is "true" if it comes from within (like an "itch") and is persistent. (54)  To ensure proper understanding of a leading, one should observe a period of waiting before hastily following it.  Another test of a leading is that it is consistent with fruits of the spirit such as love, peace, kindness, and faithfulness.  As well, a true leading never contravenes God's laws. The ultimate test of a leading is whether or not there is life in it, and if so, whether it brings calmness.

                             

In Chapter 4, the author continues with the theme of leadings by elaborating on 3 stages in a process for testing leadings.  In the sensing stage, one should ask Where's the leading coming from?  If it is "driven by ego", then it is a false leading. (73)  Other questions to ask in the sensing stage are Is the leading Compelling? and Will the leading change you?  For instance, will it help one grow spiritually or experience compassion?  In waiting, the 2nd stage, "...we invite things and people beyond ourselves to help us confirm our leading...." (77)  One can consult scripture or practice guided meditation such as the examen.  Waiting with the Arts - by reading, journaling, or listening to music - is also recommended as is waiting with spiritual friends and advisors.    Taking action is the last step in the process.

The dark path of losing one's way along the spiritual path through life is explored in Chapter 5.  The author reassures the reader that occasional and even protracted feelings of "lostness" are a natural part of viewing one's life as a pilgrimage. He adds, "We soon discover that pilgrimages are rarely journeys of ease or comfort." (100)  Indeed, he goes one step further in writing that feeling lost and alone "...are a good thing..." as discomfort directs one to ask questions such as:

•  Have you read your sacred compass correctly?, 
• What is God saying to you through this way? 
• How did I get in this situation?
• Can I learn something from this? (102)   

He also reminds the reader that even saints such as Mother Teresa had crises of faith.  Other positive aspects that can emerge along the dark path are healing and growth.  As well, creativity may be sparked and, ironically, one's lostness may benefit others by helping illuminate their paths forward. 

Even Saint Mother Teresa experienced the dark path

                 

The chapter entitled "West of Eden" answers the question What if the Way Takes Us to Unexpected Places?   Part of the answer is a reminder that "The Bible is full of stories of people whose sacred compass led them to unexpected places" (131), such as Jonah and the whale and St. Paul, who was struck with blindness on the road to Damascus.  The author also adds that "The path leading us to unexpected places offers an opportunity for reflection...." (143) 

Brent Bill concludes with some advice on how to best provide assistance to others walking the pilgrimage with us.   The pilgrim should share his/her wisdom in a supportive way, which involves more listening than speaking and asking questions.  The goal should be to direct them to "Christ their Inner Teacher" and "point them to God's wisdom." (149)   As well, "...walk alongside others during their dark time." (155)